Paris Poems: Part I

My Favorite City

The First Night Back in Paris

My earnest laugh amused the waiter, who

must no longer be awestruck by Église Saint-Eustache’s tired smile.

Her ancient bones were new to me, and I

stood in summer-sweaty wonder.

Panting, smiling, as if I’ve won a race.

And in a way, I have.

You see, I’ve been running after Paris a long, long time.

Years of aching — convinced she was never

getting any closer

despite my ceaseless strides.

Two months ago I cried myself to sleep

as bills came in I couldn’t pay.

Tonight I’ll fall asleep in the city of my heart.

Overwhelmed by God and grace and family.

Forced to acknowledge, once again,

despite my secret doubts

Jesus cares about my dreams.

I turned the corner fresh out of the train station to this! Église Saint-Eustache.

Émile’s Tower

For six years I’ve renamed it in my heart

Reciting my favorite passages from memory as

I weave my way through the crowd

He wanted to capture what he couldn’t keep, the fleeting, the transient.

Three times now I’ve stood beneath this spine of steel

light and iron

Watching her as she watched me

wipe my 17-year-old eyes, overjoyed, then

get engaged at 21, overwhelmed, then

smile and breathe at 35, overthinking, but

grateful, besides —

This was Paris and nothing was simple

I see it, in the curling frame

Beauty and art, grace and grit

Everything I’ve come to cherish so dearly

And as I ascend the stairs, thighs burning,

heart pounding, spirit soaring

I cry, because it’s true

To accept it, is to let it go

The good, the bad, the complicated

the impossible

Whatever your it may be

The italicized phrases in my poem are direct quotes from my favorite novel, “To Capture What We Cannot Keep” by Beatrice Colin

Thanks for reading along!

Ali